I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
