Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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