I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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