Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
