Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
