Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
