New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
