He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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