I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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