I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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