I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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