There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
