I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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