I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
