Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
