Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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