I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
