why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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