I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
