I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
