i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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