thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
