can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
