Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
