someone owes me an orgasm
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
