I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
