There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
