Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
