I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
