i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize