My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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