Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
