i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
