I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
