The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
