my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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