tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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