i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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