my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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