i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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