Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
