She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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