He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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