matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
