I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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