I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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