So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
