So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
