Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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