so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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