May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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