apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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