I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
jump out the window naked night went bad
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