That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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