Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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