Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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