my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
