VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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