You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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