i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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