I wish I could teleport
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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