I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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