Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
