Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
