I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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