shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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