my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
