the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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