I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
