I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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