i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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