I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
