Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
