There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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