she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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