My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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