It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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