i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
