so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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